


Hummel Clan Christmas Rendezvous

by pixiealtaira



Series: Hummel Holidays 2016 [7]
Category: Glee
Genre: Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:35:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25857535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiealtaira/pseuds/pixiealtaira
Summary: Hummel Holidays 2016 day 7: Family
Relationships: Adam Crawford/Kurt Hummel
Series: Hummel Holidays 2016 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871257
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Hummel Clan Christmas Rendezvous

“Dad! NO!” Kurt hissed into the phone in horror. Adam looked up from where he was typing at his computer and faced Kurt, alarmed.

Kurt waved so he knew it wasn’t too awfully serious.

“But Dad, it’s the first time you are even meeting Adam. It is inhumane to ask us to consort with the rest of the clan. Inhumane, Dad!”

Adam tried to hold in a chuckle.

“I don’t care if Aunt Mildred decided to panic after Great Uncle Gideon had a heart attack and decided we now need yearly Hummel Clan Christmas parties. She can host it at her place and you and Carole can go! Great Uncle Gideon is 90 years old, anyway. Where was she when you had your heart attack? Where was her panic then?”

Adam tilted his head and looked at Kurt, whose face was quite furious.

“Oh, I am still a bit bitter. I have not got over that and I probably won’t until I’m your age.”

“I am sorry but that time is just one of those things I simply have shelved my fury about and not worked on lessening it in any form and you and Carole and everyone else will just have to deal with that. My therapist says that is fine.”

“I know Carole regrets how she handled things while you were in the coma…or rather how she didn’t…but I was the one dealing with everything. I get to decide when to let it go. And Aunt Mildred never even called…and I called her four times and she never picked up!”

Kurt’s face was an interesting shade of red and his eyes were twitching. He stared at the phone before speaking again.

“The boys were always in trouble.”

“So have Mildred rent her church building! And I am sorry but our house is NOT bigger than theirs…I know for a fact that Mildred’s boys each had their own room, she had a craft room, Uncle Wallace had a man cave before they were terribly popular and they have both a Den and Family room as well as a living room, a formal living room, and dining room! I was banished there for three summers before you finally decided to end my torture.”

Adam went back to typing. The end of the semester was zooming closer than he was happy with and his graduate classes each had major papers this semester.

“Dad. It was torture. I came home the first summer with a broken wrist, the second with a broken arm and the third with a broken foot. I can guarantee I did not get them terribly naturally.”

Adam swiveled his head towards Kurt again.

“Fine. Thanks for the warning I guess. How about Adam and I change our trip dates?”

“Fine.”

“I said Fine! I promise I will not change our trip dates and we will be there.”

“What?!” Kurt yelled.

“I love you, too, Dad.” Kurt sighed.

Kurt threw his phone onto the bed across the room.

“What is up, darling?” Adam asked, saving his document and turning to give Kurt his full attention.

“Dad is hosting the Hummel Merry Christmas Party. It starts at noon and dad would like us there on time, so asked we not stop too often as we drive from Columbus to Lima. You are going to be subject to all the insane beings belonging to my dad. I am so sorry.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“My Aunt Mildred tried to get my dad to have me exorcized when I was 12. You heard the list of injuries…and that was just from a week or so of the three summers I spent time up there. The summer my mom died, dad sent me on vacation with them. My cousins nearly drowned me more than once, they tied me to a tree and left me there for hours, I was so sunburned I blistered and had to go to the ER and they left me at the campsite when they packed up to leave. I was left there for six hours…they were three hours away before they noticed I was not with them. I also came home with so many scrapes and bruises that my dad’s coworker thought I’d been in a car wreck and dragged by the car for a while.”

“Oh heavens.” Adam said.

“They all like to drink. Most like to shoot things. None of my three cousins graduated from school on time…I’m not sure Wayne even finished, although I think he got his GED. My cousin Willard got a girl pregnant when he was 14…she was 12. There might even be more spawns of his out there, too, because no one did anything about it except say ‘boys will be boys’. Rex is just mean. And it’s not just a gathering of Mildred and her crew. Oh No. It’s all dad’s aunts and uncles and their kids. Each cousin set is supposed to give gifts to those in their sets…so we are supposed to bring gifts for Aunt Mildred and crew…Dad said small things for 15 or so plus Aunt Mildred and her husband…which means the boys have children and partners they have kept. I knew they were married but I was certain no one would be insane enough to stay for long. Oh, and we are having a white elephant exchange and an ornament exchange. Yay us!”

“Is there anyone who could be there that you like?” Adam asked.

“My Dad’s Aunt Mildred and most of her family and his cousin Lou and his family. We used to shoot bows with Lou, he has a friend who makes them and when I was in my Robin Hood stage he got me a real bow for Christmas. I liked it so he got me new ones when I outgrew the one before…I use them for props mostly now. He probably will not be there though, they moved to California when I was 16…the summer before Dad met Carole. That is the grand total of people I like from my Dad’s side of the family. There might be another half dozen I don’t actively dislike that I know decently well.”

The flight to Ohio was not delayed and they landed in plenty of time for them to make it to Lima in time for the Christmas party. Adam ended up making Kurt pull over and let him drive halfway there as Kurt’s nerves got worse.

“Darling, no matter what, I’m not letting you go. They cannot scare me away.” Adam told Kurt for the umpteenth time. It didn’t seem to help.

“I don’t even know if anything we brought as gifts will be right or sufficient.” Kurt moaned from the passenger seat.

“Darling, we went with New York themed decks of cards and travel cups with hot chocolate. And we bought four gifts that could be given to small children…just in case. And four for tiny tots. We got your Aunt Mildred a nice scarf and gloves and a box of good chocolates, and your Uncle gloves and a nice cap. We even bought each cousin a New York Ball Cap and three stocking caps for their other halves. It will be fine.”

“They hate me. I’m bringing home a boyfriend and they will be rude and horrid and offend you and you’ll want nothing to do with me ever again!”

“I doubt it. However, if they do then we will make them sorry. I have no qualms whatsoever about making rude people uncomfortable. I’ll just kiss and snuggle and cuddle and love on you all the more.” Adam said.

Kurt looked his way. “Really?”

“Really.”

The good thing about walking straight into a huge family gathering like they were was that Adam had no chance of being nervous about meeting Kurt’s Dad and Step-Mom. Kurt had painted such a dismal picture that Adam was nervous about just being at the party, even though he had been certain Kurt was exaggerating.

Kurt wasn’t.

The party was held at the Hummel house, or rather in the detached garage that was the main reason the Kurt’s family bought the new house when they moved his junior year of high school. It was a four car garage and workshop, big enough for his dad to have had a lift installed so he could work on cars when he was home as well. It was packed with people, tables and chairs, and smelled a bit like a brewery.

They had had to walk a full block to the house to start off with, and Adam was ever so glad Kurt convinced him to stay at a hotel that first night because their luggage was happily tucked away in their hotel room. Kurt wouldn’t let them leave anything in the rental car.

(“You don’t understand, Adam. The kids in this neighborhood are all thieves. Seriously, the cops were down here about stuff stolen from houses and vehicles three times a week. I doubt anything has changed in two years.”

“But, it’s a well off neighborhood.” Adam had replied.

Kurt snorted. “None did it because they needed money. They did it for ‘the trill of the hunt’. Half the neighbors simply shrugged and said ‘boys will be boys’. Until we moved in and my dad pressed charges, no one had before even though the kids had stolen several thousands of dollars’ worth of stuff.”)

Adam carried the backpack Kurt had tucked all the gifts into and Kurt carried the bag with the food they’d picked up from the grocery store they’d stopped at on the way from the hotel to the house. Apparently he had no faith in anything edible being offered for lunch.

Carole wouldn’t let them into the house after Kurt said he didn’t need to use the bathroom. She directed them to the garage and that was that.

Kurt’s Dad’s cousin Roy met them at the door, with name tags and directions on how to fill them out. He didn’t recognize Kurt and didn’t believe Adam was Kurt’s boyfriend at all…none of their clan would dare be ‘that way’ didn’t they know? Kurt rolled his eyes and just put his name on his name tag…and had Adam just write Adam.

“My dad’s dad was number four of 10 kids. His name was Al. I don’t know if it was short for anything, but it probably was. He died when my dad was 20ish. My mom never met Dad’s dad. My dad’s mom told my dad she was never dealing with any of the Hummel clan again after she got remarried. She did show up for my dad and mom’s wedding, but that was it for a while. She sent a card when they had me. She always spelt my name with a C…she insisted it was spelled that way to keep up tradition. One of the things I do remember her telling me was that my first born son had to have a name that started with a D and then creating a list of names she found acceptable. I actually think I still have it somewhere. I was like three and she called just to tell me that and then sent the list in the mail. She hadn’t even ever sent a card or anything for holidays or birthdays before that. Then she got a divorce from that guy and married another guy and was around for a while. They died in a car wreck when I was eleven-ish. My dad and Aunt Mildred went to the funeral, but Aunt Mildred wouldn’t let me or my cousins go. I had to stay at Aunt Mildred’s with my cousins and her husband watching over us. I spent a week being maid and cook. My Uncle tossed me a hundred dollar bill as I left, though. I never told my dad.” Kurt explained as they walked towards a long table that seemed to be covered in photos.

Kurt pointed to a set of photos close together. “Dad’s Aunt Mildred had two sets of kids. She was just older than my dad’s dad. One set of kids with her first husband, Hank, and one with her second husband Barney. The kids with Hank, of which there are three, are near my dad’s age…I think his cousin Marty is like within a few months. Then Hank went and joined a very weird religious cult type thing and Mildred left him the second time he dragged her and the kids to the meetings. It was a very smart move on her part. They got divorced quickly and Hank married someone from the cult thingy. She married Barney like a year later and they were all worried but Barney is a good guy. I like dad’s Aunt Mildred and Barney. Her kids with Barney are like 10 years younger…there are two of them. Lou is Dad’s Uncle Wayland’s kid. He is the oldest. Lou is his fourth but he is only like a year older than my dad. I like Lou, too. Roy belongs to Winifred, she was number two. She died when her kids young, before my Dad’s dad even. Roy has a twin named Guy and two sisters. They aren’t twins but were so close in age it is ridiculous…I think maybe just 10 months. Or maybe they are twins and aren’t that much younger than Guy and Roy? I can’t remember. One is Joy and I think the other is named Dolly, and that that is not a nickname. I think dad’s cousin Jill is his Aunt Jean’s girl, but I’m not sure. Jill has a sister named Billy, but I’ve never met her…she moved to Peru at some point. Her husband runs some sort of Adventure Trip company. The last kid of the 10 is dad’s Uncle Warren, who is also just a few months older than dad…so his kids are around my age. I’m not even sure who the others are…I think there is an Aunt Maribel and an Aunt Mona, but I don’t know if I have ever met them.”

“Did you dad have any other siblings?” Adam asked.

“Nope. Just him and Mildred. My mom had siblings, but they are even less close than Dad and Mildred. They only speak to each other if they can’t avoid it from what I can tell.”

Kurt and Adam wandered around the garage, trying to locate Kurt’s dad in all the people. There were several little kids running around, none of whom Kurt knew and several teens and older kids. Finally Kurt found his dad in the back by a long table…talking with both Mildreds. While wandering they had heard several slurs and multiple sets of “Ewww”s. Adam just held Kurt’s hand and if the slur was really nasty, kissed him soundly.

“Dad!” Kurt yelled.

Burt was up and over to his boy within a minute and it only took that long because he had to dodge a mass of running tots who seemed to be chasing a ball. Kurt pushed the bag of food into Adam’s hand and threw himself into the hug Burt was offering up.

“I’ve missed you!” Kurt exclaimed into his dad’s shoulder.

“I’ve missed you, too, Bud. I think you grew again!” Burt said as he patted Kurt’s back. They separated and Kurt turned to Adam.

“Dad, this is Adam.”

Adam shifted the bag he was holding to one side and held out his hand to shake Burt’s offered hand.

“Nice to meet you, sir.” Adam said.

“None of that sir bit, apparently you’re supposed to be becoming one of the family.” Burt said.

Kurt groaned. “I told you, I’m not getting engaged or anything until I’ve graduated. I told you that back in spring and it hasn’t changed since then.”

Adam chuckled and Burt shrugged. Kurt rolled his eyes. 

“Come on Kiddo, I need grandbabies before I’m too old to enjoy them. Mildred’s making me feel like I’m wasting away.” Burt said.

“Mildred shouldn’t count. Try Lou’s kids as your base. I’ve a few years yet before I’m too old.” Kurt hissed.

“Now, Burt,” Aunt Mildred said from the other side of the table. “I done told you earlier, you should just get that nice little wife of yours pregnant again and have another kid or two. You are well within childrearing ages still. Then Kurt’s abnormalities wouldn’t be passed on.”

“Millie,” Burt’s Aunt Mildred said. “Someone let your boys spawn, Kurt deserves to populate the earth with creatures that ought to be at least refined and cultured. Didn’t you just tell me how one of your grandkids is always playing in mud and naked?”

And the Mildreds were off snapping at each other about kids. Burt rolled his eyes and pulled Kurt and Adam towards a table filled with food.

“Put those groceries here and then garb yourself something to eat. There is ham slices in the large crock pot on the end. They have been kept warm the whole time.”

Kurt recognized one of his dad’s aunts at the table directing people.

“Let’s see what you’ve got, boys.” She told them, making garbby hands at the bag.

Kurt handed it over. There were a few fruit bowls with berries and two with different melons, several small veggie trays with different vegetables mixed, and a small cheese tray.

“Where’s the meat, boys? How can you not bring meat? What is it with all this rabbit food? People can’t eat this!”

“Now, Aunt Mona, you know some people like lighter stuff.” Burt replied.

“Not real people…liberals, liberals like vegetables. Good red blooded Americans like meat. My dear Andrew loved a good steak; he liked them properly cooked over a grill like a man. Such a good boy. A real man.”

“Well, we’ll just put these over here.” Burt said, moving the fruit, veggies and cheese to the end of the table right before the desserts. “The kids might like them; you know vegetables are good for kids.”

“Oh! This is true. And kids like fruit. They should just stop eating that stuff once they’re too big for the parents to make them eat it.”

Adam was trying not to laugh. He looked over the spread of food. 

“There are your pasta salads and your potato salads and your frogs eye salads and your whipped topping and jello salads in various colors and forms. I bet there is even a cookie salad; my Aunt Mildred’s boys favor it. There are pots of baked beans, it looks like three. There are Roy’s hot wieners and some cousin of dad’s brats in sauce. Roy’s dish is essentially hot dogs in a spicy ketchup and the other dishes sauce varies but is generally alcohol based. Lots of deli meats and rolls and mayo and mustard for them. Lots of chips. Loads of potato casseroles. Bean dips and seven layer dips and hot dips like the artichoke one…that other with green might be a spinach dip. There are the cheese balls with crackers. Oh, someone went fancy and brought cocktail shrimp. Then you hit desserts and well…if it is full of sugar and fattening it is probably an option. At the end are drinks…soda is your only option here. The alcohol will be served wherever we find dad’s Uncle Wayland. Notice the lack of fruits or veggies. However, we’d better grab some now because people do actually like them and they will go fast.”

Adam and Kurt put together a small plate of veggies, fruit, deli meat and cheese that they could carry with them and promised to be back for ‘real’ plates later. Kurt waved to the lady manning the table as they left.

“It is nice to know I did remember Mona’s name.” Kurt said.

“What happened to Andrew?” Adam asked.

“Oh,” Burt said. “He got out of the military while stationed in Alaska and took off to live in a small subsistence village that is very much…hippie-ish. It is very much run like a free love commune, just in Alaska so they also have guns and hunt and such.”

“She made it sound like he died.” Adam said.

“He has voted liberal since his first year in the military,” Kurt said. “He is worse than dead.”

Adam just looked at Burt, who nodded.

“Ok..” Adam said.

They paused at the craft table but didn’t stay as two of Burt’s cousins were sitting there having a very lively and heated ‘discussion’ on religion during which they could only agree that Mormons were demons and Catholics probably practiced Satanic rituals because of ‘saints’ and that those homosexuals should be burned. They were starting on Jewish people when Burt dragged them away, while telling each other they were going to hell because they weren’t the right kind of Christian.

“I’ll go back and swipe you the baggies filled with the stuff to make the ornaments and cards and gifts.” Burt said. “I forgot that Marvel’s Jack and Mona’s Jack were manning the crafts.”

“Marvel? I thought there was a Maribel.” Kurt said.

“Maribel? No, there is a Clarabelle.” Burt said.

“Like the cow from Disney?” Adam asked.

Burt broke into laughter.

“Just like the cow from Disney.” Burt said.

Kurt sighed. “I’m still missing someone.”

“You got Jean?” Burt said.

“Yes.”

“Scott?”

“Scott? There is a Scott?”

“Yeah, he’s just older than Warren.”

“That’s just…such a normal and modernish name.” Kurt said.

“The Doctor was Scottish and my grandmother liked the accent.” Burt said.

Adam started cracking up.

Burt stopped them at the farthest table in the back. There were big boxes with smaller boxes inside.

“Mildred’s family’s boxes are in the big purple box. Wayne’s box is blue and has his kids listed on it and their ages, Willard’s box is green and has ages listed and Rex’s box is red with ages listed. Wayne and Rex have wives, Willard has a girlfriend…who is pregnant. Pete is here, too, technically. He actually took off as soon as Mildred was not looking. If you need something tell Uncle Wayland. Wayland send my boy and his beau back towards the games when they are done.” Burt waved the older man sitting by the table, with a glass of amber liquid in his hands and lots of clear plastic cups sitting by him.

“Would you boys like some hooch?” Uncle Wayland asked.

“Umm, I think we’re good for now,” Kurt said. “We need to get gifts sorted and labeled and such before we try anything out.”

“Good point. Had my Ronnie get ours all sorted out. Louie wanted me to ask you about hunting out in New York. You are Kurtie aren’t ya?”

“Yes, Uncle Wayland. I’m Kurt. I don’t know. I didn’t even think to ask about it, I was so busy trying to get settled during hunting season my first year there…find a job and a place to live…and it didn’t occur to me to check this past fall since I couldn’t use the meat very well. I’ll find out though and have Dad give me Lou’s number. If I went hunting with him and Dad, they could take home most the meat if we got anything.”

“You’re a good boy. No waste. We taught YOU right. You still mostly a bow man?”

“Yes, that is what I like best.”

“Does your friend hunt?” Wayland asked.

“I have not done so in the manner Kurt and you seem to be speaking of, no.” Adam said. “I’ve gone on a few fox hunts though, on horseback.”

“Like in movies?” Wayland asked.

“Yes.”

“Ehh…we could probably train ya then.”

One of the people Kurt’s dad’s age came up for some drink and Kurt and Adam turned their attention to the boxes.

Mildred and Pete’s were easily dropped in the right spot and Kurt located his cousin’s gifts and then gifts in paper that matched each cousin that was for the significant other.

Adam chuckled while Kurt fished the marker out of the backpack. “Your cousin Rex is married to Roxanne. They have kids named Royal, Regan, and Regina. Regina will need one of the gifts for tiny tots. I would suggest giving Regan one of the gifts for small children…thank goodness we got those as gender neutral, I’m not sure what Regan is. Royal is a boy.”

Kurt face palmed.

“Wayne’s box says he is married to Jonny.” Adam said.

Kurt laughed. “Jonny is Jonda. She hates it. Her middle name is Olga and her maiden name was North. Jonny was just what ended up her option really.”

“They are going backwards up the alphabet. Zach is seven and Yule is almost six.” Adam said.

“Cups and cards it is.” Kurt said. “I remember hearing about Yule’s birth. I was not aware they named the baby Yule.”

Adam sighed. “It’s a good thing we packed extra. Willard has more than 4 kids here. How can he have a 13 year old? Is he much older than you?”

“Hmm, Willard is 7 years older than me…they kept that baby he had at 14. The girl had it and they passed it back and forth between grandparents until she got married at 20 and no longer wanted to be tied to him. Then Willard kept him.”

“How old is Wayne?”

“9 years older than me. Rex is four years older.”

“So, not every one in the family was quick to reproduce really.”

Kurt laughed. “My dad forgets that he and mom didn’t get married until they were 22 almost 23, and then didn’t have me for another two years or so. Mildred married a month out of high school and had Wayne right off the bat…like by the summer off the bat.”

“Anyway, Willard has six kids here. He has three three year olds, but it notes they are not triplets. Does that mean all three are from different mothers?” Adam asked.

Kurt turned his head to Adam. “Really? I told you, all that ever happen was ‘boys will be boys’,so it wouldn’t surprise me. Hmm…I wonder if that was part of ‘Aunt Mildred’s boys were in trouble’ therefore she couldn’t even bother returning my calls telling her Dad was in a coma.”

“Someday, love, you will have to explain this bit of bitterness to me.” Adam said. “If we give the three that were slated for small kids to these, and one for the babies to the one year old, the nine year old and 13 yr old will be fine with cards and cups.”

Kurt nodded. “We’ll have two tiny tot gifts left over and two card and cup sets left over…we can work with that.”

“We can give the cards and cups to your dad and step-mom as extra gifts.” Adam said.

Kurt beamed. “They would enjoy them, I think. Dad and his buddies play card games all the time.”

“Ya boys finished over there? I’m sure your Daddy wouldn’t mind you having a nip or two nowadays Kurtie.”

“We are finished Uncle Wayland and sure, we’ll try something I guess. I’m not quiet legal but Adam can legally drink.” Kurt replied.

Wayland laughed. “Ain’t never worried about that legal shit. Just drunk tots ain’t pretty so we keep it away from the young’uns. Want a Hot Toddy?”

“Sure.” Kurt said.

Uncle Wayland scooped something out of a crockpot hidden under the table and handed it to the Adam and Kurt. Adam took a sip first.

“Oh, Nice. I like the flavors.” Adam told Wayland.

“Now you’re a good boy. I think we might just need to keep you around. Potential for hunting and you appreciate good booze,. If little Kurtie’s gonna live fruity, then at least we’d better keep good men for him around.”

Adam nearly choked on his drink and Kurt blushed bright red.

“Thank You, Uncle Wayland. We’d better go see where Dad is.” Kurt finally sputtered out.

Adam waved as he left.

“He doesn’t seem too bad.” Adam said.

Kurt chuckled. “He is…easier…to take now that I’m older. He has a raunchy sense of humor and no filter at the best of times, and is 500 times worse when drunk. It was hard when I was younger and not…confident…in my sexuality. Oh the good note…he doesn’t mind that I’m gay, but he will always use the most offensive terms for it. He called me That Gay Boy for ages. Of course he called me fairy boy from age three. The more drunk Uncle Wayland gets, the more you’ll find out intimate details about women he’s been with, or even seen. I always thought it hilarious that I knew more about the nether regions of a woman than all the other guys my age and I wasn’t into women at all and so had no use for the information.”

Kurt and Adam headed back to where Kurt’s dad was standing by a man sitting by a radio and looking through CDs.

“The good thing about this is it is a Christmas Party and so we will JUST be subject to Christmas Music and long ago they made a pact that ALL Christmas Music was acceptable as long as it didn’t have very bad words in it. Not just religious and not just secular. Apparently the fight over that nearly led to three divorces and did lead to black eyes and a broken nose. It happened before I was born.” Kurt said.

They were passing by some round tables surrounded by people close to their ages who were all playing cards of some sort. They were nearly past it when Kurt’s name was shouted.

“Kurt. Hey, flaming fairy! I heard you’ve got yourself a boyfriend. Does his cock taste good?” a dark hair man older than Adam and Kurt yelled.

Kurt tensed and then sighed.

“Wayne. It is oh so lovely to see you again. Have you found a steady job yet? Or are you still shoveling dog crap from people’s yards for change?’ Kurt said with a smile. “By the way, I’m telling your mother what words you used in the vicinity of children.”

“She won’t believe you!” Wayne yelled again.

“Sure she will, because you forget that half those surrounding you don’t like that type of language and especially not around their small children and will back me up.”

“Why you little…” Wayne growled, attempting to stand without pushing his chair back and shaking the table which made everyone else around it yell.

The women sitting next to him grabbed his arm and pulled him back, before whispering in his ear. She then waved at Kurt, who waved back.

Kurt looked at Adam and sighed. “Adam, these are the cousins. You’ve heard from Wayne. Jonny is the one who made him sit. Willard is the one in the black flannel, and Rex, is that you with the beard?” Kurt asked.

“Yeah. Hey, you like it? I think it makes me look tough.” Rex said, stroking his bushy brown beard.

“I think it makes you look homeless.” The women sitting next to him said. “Hi, I’m Roxanne.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Kurt said. “You were not home the last I saw of these guys. I think Mildred said you were at your folks?”

“Yeah, my sister got married the same weekend your dad did. Rex went to your dad’s. He hates my sister.” Roxanne said.

“Your sister is a snob and rude.”

“My sister is smart and not willing to play stupid to make a man feel good about himself.”

“See, a snob. Kurt would love her.”

Roxanne and Rex started fussing at each other and Kurt turned to Adam. “And various other cousins of the second or so variety. I think the red haired girls might belong to Uncle Warren or Aunt Winifred’s kids…the girls had lovey red hair. I always wanted hair the color of Joy’s or even Dolly’s.”

One of the girls beamed at Kurt while the other glared. Wayne started to get ready to speak and so Kurt quickly moved them away with an excuse that they needed to find Kurt’s dad.

“And that could have been so much worse.” Kurt said. “Most of the girls are OK. They ignore me or lecture me on going to hell. And a few of the guys are fine…if Mildred’s boys are not there. Like…I can go hunting with the two blonds in the matching flannels. They are Wayland’s grandsons; not Lou’s kids but Millie’s…Wayland had an Amelia who is called Millie. As long as we keep to hunting and bows as a topic, we were pretty good. We could also talk TV shows like Hercules. But when Mildred’s boys are in the group, the guys get nasty mean. You heard. It’s like that for hours and then it gets physical.”

Adam grabbed Kurt’s hand and held it as they walked away from the others. “Take some sips of your Hot Toddy, love and let it all go. Just make sure to sip. Your Uncle Wayland likes it a bit strong.”

Kurt giggled and took a sip of his drink. “I should have tossed it in Wayne’s face, but that would have ruined the cards.”

Burt was over by the darts. He was in the middle of a game when Kurt and Adam got over to him. Adam pulled Kurt so he was standing in front of him and then wrapped his arms around Kurt so Kurt could lean back into his embrace while they watched.

“Hey Burt, your fairy boy still have to stand up close to play darts?” one of the men playing with his dad asked as he noticed Kurt standing there.

“Hey, Mickey, he was 11 the last time you played against him.” Burt said. “Kurt, would you like to play against Mickey when we are done?”

Kurt sighed. “Sure, Dad.”

“I bet a ten he can’t even hit the target.” One of the other guys called out.

“Don’t be silly Mort,” a lady with dark red hair called back. “Burt’s little Kurt always had good aim. He just was too small to put power behind it way back when. I’ll put a twenty on him winning the game.”

“No way, Dolly.”

And the betting was on. Adam watched with stunned befuddlement. Here were a bunch of adults betting on the skills of a young adult who they didn’t seem to see as one while most, even those betting in a positive manner on him, called him names and disparaged his educational choices, job choices, and entire being.

Burt won his game and then handed the darts to Kurt. Mickey tossed a fit and so Kurt traded dart sets with Mickey. 

“Adam, could you hold my sweater?” Kurt asked as he pulled the sweater over his head and then quickly made sure his hair wasn’t too messed up.

“Burt, your boy has arm muscles! He must have finally taken up a real sport while he’s been away.” Mort called out.

“I have dance five days a week for an hour and half.” Kurt said. “And I do Yoga three times a week when I can fit it in. Oh, and I am a waiter. A singing waiter, but a waiter all the same.”

“Dance? A sissy thing like dance won’t give you muscles. Football…now that gives you muscles.” Someone shouted. Adam didn’t catch who.

Kurt snorted. “I guarantee that a woman weighs more than a football. I lift and carry people. That will always take more strength than lifting a football.”

“Kurt, focus on the game.” Burt said, smiling an odd little half smile to himself.

Kurt winked at his dad and then at Adam.

Adam had never played darts against Kurt. The one time they’d been out to a bar that had darts, they’d played pool instead. Mostly they went dancing or to eat or karaoke or open stage places. But Adam had lost pool to Kurt, and more than once lost at poker to Kurt. He knew Kurt’s game face.

Kurt wiped the floor with Mickey. Then he went on to wipe the floor with Mort and a man named Harvey. Dolly just laughed.

Money was traded around the group, with Burt pocketing a bit of a bundle. 

Burt handed Kurt a bag as the others started chattering about who was going to play next.

“That has all the crafts and instructions for them in it. I think we are aiming for the white elephant exchange soon and then the ornament exchange. Did you bring things for both you and Adam to play?”

“Yes, Dad.” Kurt said.

“I’m going to go make Carole come out and fetch anyone from the house. Don’t go anywhere.” Burt said.

Kurt sighed and tried to find the best place to go sit.

Adam found a spot that didn’t seem to be too crowded and led Kurt towards it. Kurt sighed and followed. It was probably the best option.

Kurt settled into a chair. There were chairs open on either side of him and Adam was trying to decide which side to sit on when the lady to left side of Kurt turned and looked his way.

“Hell Spawn.” The lady said.

“Aunt Lettie.” Kurt said. “Adam, meet Roy’s wife.”

“Uncle Roy.” She corrected. Kurt sighed.

“Meet dad’s cousin Roy’s wife, who insists I call them Aunt and Uncle.”

Adam sat between the lady and Kurt.

“I heard you have moved to a Sin City and are studying the wicked practice of acting.”

“I have and I am. I am enjoying my classes greatly. I love reading great works both old and new and bringing them to life. I love using my imagination to write works of my own and scenes of my own. I love dressing up as someone else.”

Adam looked at the lady beside him as she hissed at Kurt…literally hissed.

Kurt smiled at Adam.

“We love being on stage and having people watch us perform. Adam and I love singing and dancing, too. We take all opportunities we can to do so.” Kurt added.

“The lord will correct your sinful ways, mark my words!”

Adam looked as the women turned herself in her chair till her back was to them.

“Lettie and Roy’s church does not believe in song or dance or acting of any sort. They don’t even like parties like this. I don’t think they believe in enjoyment at all.” Kurt said.

“So the Hell Spawn comment was because of your choice of career and not because of your sexual orientation?” Adam asked.

Lettie sucked in her breath and squeaked. She stood up really quickly and moved to the entire opposite side of the garage from them.

Kurt laughed and Adam smiled.

“Dad is going to be so mad. I’ve been told not to bait them since I was five.”

“Kisses?” Adam asked.

Kurt looked around and saw Lettie and several others looking their way. “Kisses.”

The kiss was light and just barely there, but it was enough to have Lettie fall off her chair.

Kurt looked pleased with himself and that made Adam smile brightly.

Adam tucked the bag of crafts into the backpack. Kurt and he turned to each other and started talking about Apple ideas and work plans and just everything they general talked about. Adam was telling Kurt about his adventure in stage combat, which Kurt was taking the next semester when they realized they had a small audience.

The red haired girl from earlier was there with several other younger people, ranging from probably just younger than Kurt to pre-teens.

“I’m Dolly’s youngest, Jane. Anyway…Rex said you live in New York and go to a Theater school. Is that true?”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah, I attend NYADA.”

One of the younger teens spoke next. “Have you been to any Broadway Shows?”

Kurt beamed. “I have. It was the first thing I did when I got to New York.”

Kurt and Adam answered questions about theater schools and classes and choirs and places to visit in New York for about a half hour.

“You are so lucky.” One of the younger girls said. “It is all there for you to see and be part of. I would love to be able to just stand in one of the theaters.”

“Do you like the theater?” Kurt asked.

“Oh Yes. I love musicals.” She whispered. “I’m Macy. I want to be an actress on stage when I grow up. I’ve been in my school’s play every year and we even do summer musical theater. Dad fussed once, but mom pointed out that it was a full week we were busy and not at home causing problems.”

Kurt laughed. “I think that was why my mom sent me to theater camp as well.”

“No, that is why I sent you to theater camp. Your mom volunteered at camp and just dragged you along.” Burt said.

Kurt smiled. “I didn’t know that.”

Burt ruffled Kurt’s hair. “She played the piano for them and then helped with costumes. Your first time on stage was as a little rabbit being chased by a dog. You were two. We are getting ready to do the white elephant gift, so go get your gifts. You can probably come back here, though. I’m sure neither the boys would mind. Kurt, Carole and I are going to go over and sit my Aunt Mildred and Uncle Barney. Be good. I got told all about that little display earlier. Don’t bait the nuts.”

Kurt rolled his eyes.

“Your Dad just called his cousin’s wife a nut.” Adam said.

Kurt nodded.

“Awesome. Which ones are the white elephant gifts?”

“The white elephant gifts are the ones in white paper. The ornaments are in red and green.” Kurt said.

Adam fished out the two gifts in white. “There are four in here in white.”

“I brought extras in case someone didn’t have one.” Kurt said. “Let me go tell my dad I have them.”

Kurt stood and ran over to Burt, who was making everyone sit in chairs. “I’ve two extras.” Kurt said. “And two extra ornaments.”

“Great…Aunt Mildred said one of Dolly’s girls brought a friend and they didn’t think about it…so you ask that little pack sitting next to you and come get others if needed…we put together a good dozen extras.”

Kurt and Adam managed to cover the little pack of people that had come back over with Jane and the ones originally talking to them. When Burt signaled everyone was gifted up, music played and Burt rolled dice to see which way things passed. Kurt ended up with Wee Sing Silly Songs and Adam ended up with earmuffs shaped like snowmen. Then Barney led them in a bizarre form of never have I ever and upset the fruit basket so that people were mixed up for the ornament exchange.

Adam waved to Kurt who was seated next to Carole, who seemed to be chewing him out about something. Adam was sitting in between a bunch of small children, of who at least one was one of Rex’s and Jonny.

“I’d like to apologize for Wayne.” She told him. “Mildred encourages their bad behavior especially towards Kurt, but it is uncalled for.”

Adam shrugged. “No one got hurt this time, so it is what it is.”

Jonny looked at Adam and nodded.

“Did Kurt really tell those over by the darts that he lifts women and women are heavier than footballs and that is why he is more muscular than them?”

“Well, he didn’t quite put it that way, but he certainly implied it.”

Jonny laughed. “Does he really?”

“Oh, yes. There is no passing Dance without being able to lift. And leap and twirl and what not.” Adam said. “Kurt just had less work to put into it, really, than some others. He learned how to properly lift in High School.”

Kurt came marching over and pulled out the ornaments. He was scowling and stomping and Adam took one look over to where he’d been sitting to see why. Carole was leaning back with Lettie whispering into her ear, nodding along with whatever she was saying. Kurt passed the extra ornaments to the two kids he’d given the extra white elephant gifts to and then marched over to his dad…who hightailed it to Carole and Lettie. Kurt glared towards Carole and came and sat on Adam’s lap. Adam smiled at him and kissed his cheek, pulling him closer. Kurt snuggled in and relaxed when he realize Adam wasn’t going to try to make him move even though he was making a scene.

“Hey Kurt.” Jonny said, smiling at how Kurt had relaxed in Adam’s lap.

“Hey Jonny, How is the craft store business?” Kurt asked.

“We are holding our own. We were worried when that new mega craft store came in, but they don’t do custom framing or anything like that, or make custom canvases and we offer better craft nights and classes. We also got the endorsement from the local schools and community college because we offer student packages specialized to each course.”

“I’m so glad. I was worried when Dad said that store was building close to you all.” Kurt said. “Do you still sell local patterns and fabrics?”

“Yes. We’ve even started stocking some locally spun yarns.”

“Cool.”

“Your dad said you have several jobs in New York?” Jonny asked.

“I work at Vogue.com for credits right now, and I work as a singing waiter and then I pick up odd jobs here and there, mostly when I need something not budgeted in. I usually pick up tailoring or seamstress type jobs, but I’ve done a bit of mechanic work.”

“And you go to school?” Jonny asked.

“Yeah, it’s not nearly as bad as it seems. I don’t have a family who needs me and Adam works just as nutty of an amount as I. We carve out time together, though, and make sure much of our fun activities mesh together.”

Burt announced that everyone needed to be ready to start passing ornaments at his shout…passing left when he said left and right when he said right and following some sort of odd dice shaking game. Kurt moved from Adam’s lap for it, but he did not go back to where he had been.

Finally Burt deemed the ornaments passed enough and Adam opened his. It was actually a set of crocheted stars that had been stiffened somehow and Adam was quite pleased. Kurt was smiling as well, although Adam thought it seemed a bit off. He watched as Kurt marched over to his dad and said something and then his dad nodded and Kurt came Adam’s way.

“They are starting the prize games now. We could play bingo or poker. We have been banned from ‘Name That Tune’ by Carole…at the demand of Lettie. I always won when I was 5 and 6 and so I do suppose all the extra years probably would give me an unfair advantage. However the DJ wants to do a who can name it fastest one note at a time and Dad said we can play that if we play against each other. He wanted us to go first to show how the game was done…and he is running it different than Lettie’s name that tune.”

Adam and Kurt played the DJs game and ended up tied 3 to 3. The DJs gifts were King Sized candy bars, which they split. Then Kurt and Adam played bingo for a while. Kurt managed to win a card game that was new to them and a candle and Adam won some Christmas ornaments, a nativity, oven mitts and a board game that involved trains. Kurt laughed and told Adam they were going to find someplace to play bingo near home because Adam had good bingo luck.

Carole came over and snapped at Kurt for winning too much, but left as soon as Burt started over their way.

“What the hell is Carole’s problem, Dad?” Kurt said as soon as Burt was near enough for him to ask without having to speak too loudly.

“Lettie and Roy have been here for three days and have been staying at the house. Lettie has managed to ask daily what sort of evilness you got Finn involved in that led to Finn’s death. Insisting you must have introduced him to drink or drugs or whatever that led him die. We were managing until I went to work yesterday and Carole decided to stay home and entertain Lettie and Roy.” Burt explained. “I’ve made an appointment for Carole with her therapist for Monday. I’ll pay to keep your hotel room for the extra night.”

Kurt growled.

“Kiddo, this just means that you can leave and head off to the hotel and not have to clean up, while Mildred’s whole family and Lettie and Roy will have to stay and help here…since they are all staying at the house.”

“Can we leave soon?” Kurt said.

“Let me check and see if everyone put their gifts in the boxes they go in and then we’ll figure out how we are doing that and I’ll tell you then. Meanwhile, go play rummy.”

“Dad, that will take forever.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be bored and Carole or Lettie are unlikely to bother you there, no prizes.”

Kurt and Adam joined the rummy game just starting up, which luckily had none of the people teasing Kurt earlier in the day present. It wasn’t a bad game, but Adam could tell Kurt was starting to droop. Adam realized they hadn’t gone back for more food and were working on only what they had eaten and the drink they got from Uncle Wayland. Adam also knew Kurt wouldn’t eat much of what was out and had been sitting there for hours.

Adam looked around for Burt and watched as people went in and out of the garage and back and forth from the table with the gift boxes on it.

Meanwhile Kurt was looking more and more done and more and more tired.

When Burt got a break, Adam excused himself from the round and went over to talk to him.

“Is there anything at the house I could get for us to eat?” Adam said. “Kurt hasn’t eaten anything other than the little plate we made when we got here.”

Burt sighed. “Things are closing down here, why don’t you and Kurt head out and off to find someplace to eat. Take him over to say goodbye to My Aunt Mildred would you?”

Adam fetched Kurt from the game and they went around saying goodbye to the few people Kurt wanted to. Burt brought them over their boxes and made sure all their gifts and prizes were tucked into the backpack that they’d been carrying about. He brought over a few extra things as well, since Kurt had used extra’s they had brought for the white elephant and ornament exchanges.

“You’re a good man, Adam.” Burt said as he watched Kurt let his Aunt Mona pinch his cheeks. “Make sure he eats and sleeps tonight.”

Adam smiled. “Of course.”

Kurt hugged his dad and kissed his cheeks and grabbed Adam’s hand as they headed out the garage, boxes in Adam’s arms and backpack on Kurt’s back.

They trudged through snow and managed to get to the rental car without too much an issue. Adam could see that others had left as well already and made sure to take note of that in case Kurt got to feeling guilty for leaving early.

Kurt made grabby hands for the keys and Adam let him be the driver. They tucked everything they were carrying into the back seat and headed off.

Kurt drove them to Pizza Hut.

“And that was a Hummel Clan gathering.” Kurt said as he devoured a salad. “It could have been much worse.”

“It could have been better.” Adam said.

Kurt laughed. “Maybe, but they never ever have been. We were spared the epic fights between couples having problems today…although I guess Willard’s girlfriend and he got into a shouting match outside right before the white elephant exchange. No one came to blows and no cops or ambulances were called. No children were reduced to tears over something one of the adults said to them. And someone was managing Uncle Wayland because no one ended up so drunk they passed out.”

“I had thought you were exaggerating when you were talking before we arrived.” Adam said. “I am sorry, love.”

Kurt leaned back. “It wasn’t all bad. I talked to more people than I have before, and most of it wasn’t bad. I could do it again if my dad wanted me to. You made it immensely better,”

Adam chuckled. “Is that likely?”

“I guess that will all depend on Aunt Mildred and her dedication to the new found desire to have large family gathering yearly. I hope the next one is a summer one though. We have those outside and often at a lake. It is easier to avoid people at those. I am sorry about Carole.”

“I am sorry about Carole.” Adam said. “I know her behavior towards you had to have hurt.”

Kurt shrugged. “She’s been running hot and cold since my dad started dating her. Finn’s death just made it worse.”

“I suppose as getting a family introduction, it could have been worse.” Adam said.

Kurt laughed. “We tossed you right into the fire and you came out a hero. Thank you for coming with me.”

“There will never be any place I’d rather be than with you, right by your side.” Adam said.

Kurt blushed and is face was still rosy when the pizza came five minutes later.


End file.
